Let it go

 

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I have to forget and let go. Emotional shackles-bondages mostly. Because usually only after you remove the band-aid can you really see if the wound is healed.

Whenever i feel hurt by the presence of the absence of the person i love (it comes and goes, even after i moved on) i try to think things logically, and the only solution is to let go. But that's hard to do since we have phone conversations regularly. God damn it's already been several years since our ways parted...

I don't know, maybe it's the whole migration to Berlin, that's getting me upset.

Sometimes just the thought of having new memories with another person terrifies me.

I was looking at the presents she bought me, a box filled with stuffed animals and other memorabilia. 

And i thought "hey, since any new relationship i'm gonna have, for the rest of my life, is going to end up like this, (broken and another addition to the box of stuff she gave me) 

why continue?

Why bother?   

Sure there are happy moments, you remember for the rest of your life, but it's all going to end up as memories, and stuff in small storage boxes. So why bother?

The alternative of course, is to live alone. But that doesn's make me happy either. 

The saddest part when trying to avoid any romantic relationships is that you know you are taking advantage of the other person, even when there is consent between the two, that there is no real love involved. In the end, one of you is going to get hurt. Bad. I know this, because recently i've hurt a person whom i really cared about but was not really in love with.

I am sorry.

Right now i have to focus on my life. Nothing else.

And a new begining in a another country is the perfect chance to do that.

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